Sometimes....

… I wish I’d done more… 

You probably won’t read this with any recognition of your own input in my rantings… and will probably wonder whether you will get to meet this person, of who I am confessing my guilt… as that is the type of person you are…

You are perfect… and I don’t mean that in any offensive way, I mean you are in the top 90% of perfection making up your being for it to be rounded to 100%. Everyone has flaws to which they set their lives around … obviously me being one of them or else I wouldn’t be writing this … And I’m guessing this is no place to write this but I need you to know how much I love you. 

Right now, I’ve set myself to believe … if I had been a better friend to you it wouldn’t have taken so long for you to begin to accept your beauty. For you to tell me that you feel beautiful makes me actually too happy for words… That the one person who I have always looked up to… always wished to be like… always found myself trying to be like … has finally been able to realise the truth about herself … has begin to allow herself some happiness … after everything. And I am sad to admit that following this happiness for you, is the guilt that I couldn’t make you see that earlier … through getting wrapped up in my own warped mind. 

I have tried to be there for you, to tell you everyday that you are beautiful to compliment you and tell you that everything will be fine and that you are doing your best … but I can’t help but feel that if I had been a better role model … you wouldn’t have felt so … conceited. Arrogant about admitting that you dont hate yourself … I feel responsible, basically, for you feeling like you must conform to the “norm” of hating who you are.

When really… I have never been so lucky to know such a wonderful person… So beautiful in herself as well as on the outside… that the beauty within her shines through for everyone to be unable to point out flaws…

I just wanted you to know that I think you are perfect… And I love you. So much.