Sometimes....

… I wish I’d done more… 

You probably won’t read this with any recognition of your own input in my rantings… and will probably wonder whether you will get to meet this person, of who I am confessing my guilt… as that is the type of person you are…

You are perfect… and I don’t mean that in any offensive way, I mean you are in the top 90% of perfection making up your being for it to be rounded to 100%. Everyone has flaws to which they set their lives around … obviously me being one of them or else I wouldn’t be writing this … And I’m guessing this is no place to write this but I need you to know how much I love you. 

Right now, I’ve set myself to believe … if I had been a better friend to you it wouldn’t have taken so long for you to begin to accept your beauty. For you to tell me that you feel beautiful makes me actually too happy for words… That the one person who I have always looked up to… always wished to be like… always found myself trying to be like … has finally been able to realise the truth about herself … has begin to allow herself some happiness … after everything. And I am sad to admit that following this happiness for you, is the guilt that I couldn’t make you see that earlier … through getting wrapped up in my own warped mind. 

I have tried to be there for you, to tell you everyday that you are beautiful to compliment you and tell you that everything will be fine and that you are doing your best … but I can’t help but feel that if I had been a better role model … you wouldn’t have felt so … conceited. Arrogant about admitting that you dont hate yourself … I feel responsible, basically, for you feeling like you must conform to the “norm” of hating who you are.

When really… I have never been so lucky to know such a wonderful person… So beautiful in herself as well as on the outside… that the beauty within her shines through for everyone to be unable to point out flaws…

I just wanted you to know that I think you are perfect… And I love you. So much.

I'd Never Of Guessed.

Aint It Just Great That YOUR AN IDIOT.
Today I was feeling better. As good as I could be without like energy drink...And then you weren't there and I nearly died.
Turns out, you'd told everyone you tried to OD. And you were in hospital having an operation at 3 this morning. 
HELLO! if you were, you wouldn't be able to ring me and shout at me down the phone at 9 this morning. 
If you have to lie to make me feel like shit, at least get your facts straight.
Sitting in the hub crying about what you did just doesn't say stable. 
But then you'd know that wouldn't you...
Coz you knew how much that would twist the knife, how badly that would make me hurt.
Well good job arsehole, now I'm ranting about you on the internet. 
Because I Miss You. THERE I said it.

Sorry whoever happens to pass this by, I'm not always this ... horrible. (: 
But I cant believe i'm here again. I really cant. I shudnt be on here right now. I'm SUPPOSED to be doing work. IOLP actually. But heyyyyy i cant really be bothered. So why dont we just leave it yeessss ??
Lets just leave it at, last day before Christmas break up... not good.


Ok sooo random thought. If your looking through this and manage to get this faaar down. How about reading me little novelie thing. I dont know wheather its any good. I havent looked at it in a WHHIIIILLLLE. But its worth a try. Maybe you guys could .... commment and tell me if you're interested...? Its in parts, so its not alll in one go .. ? <3
 FAAANKKKKS

From Down Here With Love

Well, Its Christmas Time... AGAIN.
You know, 2009 didn't want to leave. 2010 FLEW by.
Maybe it just didn't want to stay (:
Tell you all something, 2011 is going to be really hard to remember to write, but it better not disappoint. Anyway... 
Breaking up from college tomorrow.
Am so glad as I've just broken up with my Boyfriend... and am stilll fucked from it.
So a strange time to write my first blog, but here it is (:
Although the snow took the water out of LIFE, these past few weeks, it did make for some good photies (: But I haven't much time for editing atm :)
Enjoy!
Merry Christmas !